I forgot my vitamins (St. John’s Wort and Fish Oil) the past two days due to stress and generally busy-ness.

Not a good idea.

Today I hung out with a new friend. I had fun, despite that she was a little loud. We get along well and all. It was fun, and I haven’t hung out with a female friend in some time.

But afterwards I was going to go to my brother’s apartment and stop by to say ‘Hi’. I texted him and left him a voicemail to let him know that I was coming so that no one there would get annoyed. He never responded.

So I didn’t quite know what to do. Instead of stopping by, I just went home. Dejected. Yup. Because although I figured that he probably didn’t have his phone by him and that was why he hadn’t responded, I was too worried that his roommate  would be upset by me coming over.

I do have a reason for thinking he would be annoyed at an ‘unannounced visit’. When I had come by when my brother had gotten Skyrim a bit early, he had said it was inconvenient.

Now I know I’m not the only one who thinks inconvenient = bad, so I kind of was ‘well, um… sorry?’. He later said that he didn’t mean bad inconvenient, but I have no idea what he meant and well, I have a history of feeling like I’m not wanted around.

Apparently they had all been waiting for me to get there. My brother even texted me saying ‘you never came over’.

One thing lead to another and it led me down this long list of remembering every time I felt like I wasn’t wanted.

Depressingly, it was a lot. I’m 22. I have about 6 years of feeling this way quite often, almost daily. I was teased in Jr. High & High School pretty badly, I went to inpatient treatment where they basically told me I was worthless, and I had an abusive ex-boyfriend.

So while I’ve forgotten my vitamins, I don’t feel any better.

So I’m going to do a separate post with my thankfuls, I ams and goals and hope that helps. :/

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