Male or Female?

Male or Female?

Alright, so this blog is also partially, to contain some philosophical and social thoughts. Especially as they pertain to myself and my emotional and mental health.

One of these topics is gender binary, and to a lesser extent, sexuality.

Let’s start out with one thing: I am a bisexual, gender-neutral ‘female’. Thought perhaps ‘pansexual’ would be a better term, but I prefer the sound of ‘bisexual’. Anyways, let me explain.

I was born with female parts and have no desire or belief that I should have otherwise, therefore I am female.

However, I find the idea that my ‘gender’ is defined by what’s between my legs to be laughable. While I usually tend to refer to myself as female in public, I also do not find it odd to call myself a ‘gentleman’ or a ‘boy’ either. We’ll come back to gender in a moment.

And bisexual means I like both ladies and gentlemen. As I said, pansexual is likely the proper term, as I don’t care if they are transgender, transsexual or genderqueer.  As I find gender silly and sex to be a personal matter, I don’t think of it as more than ‘ladies and gentlemen’. I prefer to call my friends either ‘my friendlies’ or ‘my lovelies’, and prefer the neutral term of endearment there.

So, there is the background. Very good. Now, Gender binary is the idea that there are simply two genders: male and female. It often accompanies the idea that your gender and your sex and one and the same.

Women have vaginas and like to go shopping and wear pink.

Men have penises and like to go hunting and wear whatever is clean enough.

The idea of gender binary never made sense to me, even as a child. My best friend in kindergarten was a boy who would play barbies with me and we’d dress up together and then go catch snakes and play in the mud. You could say that it’s just that we were children and such, but I still like dressing up and catching snakes.

‘Boy’ and ‘Girl’ were just words, though I learned that certain actions were considered ‘manly’ while others were considered ‘womanly’. As I grew older and became more aware of my sexuality, the idea of gender identity also began to come and I realized… If I were to be so black and white as to list my own activities and attributes under ‘male’ and ‘female’, I would come up pretty evenly matched (often times leaning more towards ‘male’).

Again, as I do indeed identify as female sexually, I was a bit confused by this. Instead of dwelling on it, I ignored it and decided it really didn’t matter.

So ever since I’ve defined myself as gender neutral, without gender, or both genders, because my identity is not determined by the plumbing. I will also note that I have only recently actively sought out the gender-neutral world, and I still tend towards there being only two genders and two sexes. I know this is not true.

I won’t go on trying to convince people to agree with me on that, so I’m going to finally arrive at what brought on this rumination.

The idea that women need to be ‘pretty’ and not ‘slutty’ and all the implications therein. My friend recently linked to and discussed the article ‘The Death of Pretty’; the idea behind the article is that women are no longer striving to be pretty, but rather to be ‘hot’, and the author distinctly identifies ‘pretty’ as portraying innocence and beauty, while ‘hot’ is portraying yourself as a sexual object.

My friend (or more accurately, my friend’s sister, who posted This Article in response), covers the innate wrongness of the articles assumption that your worth as a woman is determined by how you are viewed by men, and she states that beauty is more your strength of character than your physical representation. Which is something I wholeheartedly agree with.

The problem is, and I’ll say it straight out: I am a slut, a whore and a sinner. I like sex, I like tight clothes, lowcut shirts and miniskirts. And I don’t see anything wrong with that. Yes, I understand that some people may see me as a sexual object when I dress and act in such a manner, but we, as humans, are sexual beings. I have a bundle of nerves between my legs that serves no other purpose than sexual pleasure. Whether your believe in creation or evolution, we were designed to enjoy sex. It’s as simple as that, really.

So the idea that my sexuality is anything but my own business is a little insulting, really. I was given these parts, and I have the knowledge to use them. I’ve had more partners than is socially acceptable and I don’t see any of it as a problem. I consider myself a sexual being. I came to terms with this a long time ago, when I was shoved into an inpatient treatment center and branded as a ‘sex addict’ for my sexual proclivities. I do believe there is a such a thing as a sex addict, but being a sixteen year old girl who is emotional and just finding her sexuality, I don’t think I was, or that I am to this day. I like sex, but I have no overwhelming need to have sex with someone to get them to like me. Nor do I believe that I use sex to escape from ‘reality’, at least not anymore of an escape as a nice run or a bubble bath.

Sex is a fun activity to share with someone you trust. At least it is to me. So when I see these articles that lead women to believe that we must be pious, virtous and innocent in order to be loved, I think it’s a load of rubbish. I am a wonderful, loving woman regardless of who I spend the night with. I don’t belong to anyone because I have sex with them and I damned well and not ‘inviting rape’ by wearing a low cut shirt. ESPECIALLY since I have a very hard time avoiding low-cut shirts in general. (Any large busted ladies know this.)

And so many women who find themselves against the idea of being treated as an object don’t seem to see the other side of the virgin/whore dichotomy. So many of them decry the objectification of women, often ignoring the objectification of men, but also ignoring the fact that it doesn’t matter if I’ve stripped down to nothing and am strutting around naked. No one deserves to treat another person as an object. For any reason.

We are people. We are all people, who deserve to be treated as such. No matter what it is that differentiates you from others, you are still a person, and we would all do well to remember that it’s the same with everyone else we meet as well.