For those who don’t know, circumstances have dictated that I live with my parents. At 22, it’s a bit odd, but with my mood disorders, it is hard to hold a high-paying job as usually these high-paying jobs are stressful. Due to some not too happy life incidents I have debt and such which makes it hard to move out. Not impossible, but with a strong desire to finish college and get a Ph.D. without getting a student loan, it isn’t easy.

So I live with my parents. Not the worst situation, however I have begun to find it more stressful to live with them than not. Let me explain.

One of my biggest problems with friends and with relationships has been with fear of people not accepting me. It hit me very hard today that this is because of my family. While they are not overly condescending, abusive or hateful, there is a distinct lack of acceptance. I do think part of it is because they don’t understand, but there is, again, more to it than that.

This came up because I was having a conversation with my dad. While I do bring up topics that him and I don’t agree on*, I don’t always feel looked down on when I express my opinion with these sorts of things. Well, mostly.

However, during this conversation, he mentioned that I should either “filter my facebook or de-friend him”. I didn’t know what he was talking about, so I asked him why. He said that there were things on there that he thought were offensive/inappropriate and that he didn’t want to see.

I just kind of ‘hmm’ed because I didn’t know what he could be talking about. Well, I later checked my facebook. The only things I post on facebook that could be deemed ‘offensive’ or ‘inappropriate’ are gay-rights and women’s-rights articles.

Now I know it’s not the women’s rights articles (or most of them) that he has an issue with.

It’s the gay-rights stuff.

I am a bisexual woman. I am just as likely (if not more likely due to personal preference), to marry a woman.

My dad has issues with me having the same rights with a woman as with a man.

No, I don’t think he sees it that way. He doesn’t believe that I am bisexual. He never has. It does not help that the psychologist that was assigned to my case while in in-patient treatment while I was 16-17 directly told me that I am not bisexual, but rather try-sexual. As in, “you’ll try anything once”!

Yes, my psychologist told me that when I came out to my family.

My psychologist blatantly and insensitively disregarded my feelings and sexuality when I ‘came out’.

And my parents, I believe, have continued with that belief. I have since had issues telling people about my sexuality as well as getting into relationships with women (because I am afraid of my family finding out and ostracizing me for it or otherwise making me feel worthless for it). I like women, emotionally, more than men, but I am afraid to enter into a relationship with a woman. I have dating bi women, and despite that we are still friends, it was never serious. Any woman who I might enter into a serious relationship with I have not pursued for fear.

I have slowly been opening up to people about my sexuality, but it has been tough.

I had a friend who introduced me (without my consent) to a girl as bisexual, where upon she told me not to have a crush on her because she wasn’t into girls.

My ex-boyfriend had trust issues because he was afraid that I’d leave him for a woman.

I’ve had lesbians say they would never date a bisexual woman.

I’ve been told that I just say that to get guys’ attention.

I have had my sexuality disregarded by many people. My parents included.

I am afraid of what will happen when they realize that I really am bisexual. I do not suspect anything abusive, but I may be kicked out. After all, when they found out that I was sexually active, they sent me to an inpatient treatment center for 17 months and we moved to a different state.

So I am going to be saving my money, paying off my debt, and moving out as soon as possible. Then when I ‘come out’ to them again, I won’t have to worry about ending up with no place to live.

 

 

 

 

*(in this case the whole debate about making religious employers cover hormone contraceptive pill, which is largely because it would effect me, as a sufferer of PCOS who medicates with birth control in order to have the chance to have kids someday)

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