Continued from “Camping Trip“. I said I would put it in a separate post.

I realized something while talking to two of my guy friends.

I keep to myself about certain things- mostly those things that a lot of people find easier to talk about with friends. For example? I do not share my beliefs with my friends as a general rule. This came up because we were talking about one of my guy friends is the most faithful person in the group, and it came up that well, I have never shared in any real detail, what I have faith in.

And I kind of refused to explain it to them. Not in a rude way, but I explained that I don’t talk about such things with a lot of people. I may have offended my ‘faithful’ guy friend, however. He didn’t push too much, but he said “well I’m not just anyone” or something to that effect. Whether he actually was or not, I don’t know, it’s hard to tell with him. Either way, I can understand it. He’s the faithful/religious member of our ‘group’, I am [or to him, I claim to be] much the same. [Though I see it as more spiritual than religious, but we’ll not get into the details of the difference.] And I am pretty much refusing and avoiding telling him about my beliefs.

It shows a lack of trust, which is obvious. Though the why isn’t. There is a long story and a better explanation in some of my previous posts, but the short of it is that I have been mocked because of my faith. So, since I consider it personal regardless, why bother sharing it with others?

Especially since my friend, as much as I care for him, is prone to being judgmental himself. He also mocks me [in a friendly, joking way] often, and I have become quite convinced that he [in addition to my other friend, the two are roommates], has a very specific idea of who I am, and it is not who I think I am. I act rather playful, ditzy and oblivious. I don’t often show them much of who I am for two reasons:

The first is they tend to like to talk. And talk, and talk. Right over my own quiet voice. And of course, they’re always right, and fairly sure of it, as well. The second is because they continue to make comments that confirm what I believe: that their idea of who I am is already quite firm. Apparently, I am easily distracted by shiny things and immature. Most of this came about from our first campaign in D&D, where that was the character I played. Now they seem to transpose this on me. So I feel the need to continue this charade.

A third, which may seem a bit silly to some, is I do not hug them. I don’t know why it ended up this way, but the truth is, I do not hug them, I often times even feel awkward about it. I feel awkward wanting to give a hug, and I also feel awkward not hugging them. It’s fairly essential in many of my friendships and I don’t know where it got cut off in my friendships with either of them.