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So my last few posts have been about my dear friend who passed away. Yesterday was the memorial and I flew in from out of town to attend. While there are so many things that I wish I could have done, while anger boiled up within me, wanting to blame people for what they had done, I didn’t. I couldn’t. Despite that I could clearly see that there were some people who had not helped her when they thought they were, they had good intentions.

And in the face of this tragedy, I could not scold them that ‘the path to hell is paved with good intentions’. It was not my place. I was not there to help and I do not have a thorough assessment of what was going on. I have bits and pieces and what she told me. I have what I’ve learned since then. None of it is complete, and I want to blame someone, including myself, that it happened.

But that doesn’t help anyone. Not at all. So I’m trying to do something with it.

I already mentioned before that I wanted to get my degree in Psychology. That is still the plan right now, I am merely figuring out the logistics of it. Which school and such. Since I am likely going to have to get a student loan anyways, it makes little difference anymore of the where besides what the college and the area offers.

So I may be moving to accomplish my goals. Which sounds fun.

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This topic is currently very sensitive to me. With my dear friend’s recent suicide, I believe this contributed to her depression. Therefore I feel the need to reiterate. The path to happiness, the quest out of depression, is personal.

No two people will find their peace in life in the same manner.

For some, it will be religion, for others, it will be family, or friends, or finding their passion and embracing it with open arms. It will be similar for many people, but two families are not alike, two friends are not twins. As people are so vastly different, so must their journeys be.

This means that you cannot force your path to happiness on anyone else. You cannot tell them that the only way to happiness is “blank”. It is simply not true, and sometimes it can even make things worse for others.

I will say that those of religion are often the biggest offenders in this matter. I believe that it is because religion gives many people such a sense of peace that they do not see how it cannot give others even a small piece of it. The path to happiness through God or through religion is often so dramatic, so instant compared to the others, that it is easy to see why one would believe that it is indeed the best path.

And while I will not go into the folly of an absolute religion, those who tout theirs must realize that many people find their happiness in other religions, in other methods. There are people who found their happiness through Christianity. Some through Judaism, Buddhism, even Atheism. Some found their happiness through their family, some through their best friend or lover. Some have even found it in solitude, in passions such as acting, running, or painting.

The paths to happiness are as varied as the people seeking them. Always remember to keep that in mind when helping others on their quest. You cannot force them onto your quest.

I found out today that a very dear friend of mine committed suicide. I have spoken with her many times about her struggle with depression. I have shared with her my own struggle, and we had talked about many, many things. I loved her with all my heart, and I am very sad about her passing.

I had not been updating my own blog with updates, advice or, really, anything, lately.

I am now committed to change that.

I am now committed to updating this blog, to working on my quests.

Not for myself, as I don’t always need to write and keep a regular update in order to stave off sadness, but for others. For the same reason that the It Gets Better Project exists. For the same reason that any of us sit and talk to our friends when they need us.

I will admit, I feel as if I didn’t do enough for her. I lived states away, and despite knowing of her suicidal thoughts, I did not talk to her as often as I could have. I did not remind her of what she means to me every chance I got.

I will now regret that every day of my life.

Suicide is one of those things. Many people see it as a last resort. Many people use it, and while it may end their pain, it hurts others. While I do not believe in sin, it is selfish.

While we can help those who are contemplating it, while we can support them, love them, pray for them, and do whatever is in our power for them, they are the ones who make the choice in the end. They are the only ones who can decide if the pain is too great for them to bear.

I have lost too many friends to suicide. I can only hope they found peace.

And I can do my best to help others who are contemplating suicide, who are depressed. I will do my best to help others who need it. I will be posting more information on the how as I determine that.

Much Love. -Samie