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So I have now tried a new experiment. For general happiness, creativity, and intelligence. People say that when you have babies listen to classical music, they get smarter. They are born smarter. So I wanted to see house it affects sleeping adults such as myself. Not only for intelligence, but also for better sleep, since I have a hard time sleeping and I have to listen to something in order to sleep.

So instead of trying to listen to white noise, I wanted to try listening to classical music. I did it last night, for about two hours, but pandora’s radio station is not the best idea. Besides the volume changes between each song, there were changes in the mood of the music. I’m going to work on finding which songs are better, but this could work. I’m going to try again tonight with more selective music.

Wish me luck!

The funny thing about this blog is I started it to help me with my depression, but I didn’t want it to be just me bitching on the internet to a bunch of strangers.I wanted it to be here to help not only myself, but others.exercises in happiness and how to deal with depression effectively. I do not feel as if I’ve done that. So now what I want to do is to do some research like ” the happiness project” and see what I can find.
I will admit, since my friend’s death, it has been hard to do things, but I’m trying to fix that. No matter what it takes.

I was born very pale, I can’t tan worth anything, and I really don’t understand why people see these women with dark skin differently. I suppose my parents raised me well in that regard. Maybe it’s the artist in me? I’m fascinated with what is different from me.

qãhırıï

Dark-skinned women- of all races- are portrayed as ugly, dumb, miserable & as sexual objects.

Why?

And what are the implications?

Did you watch the above video?  If you didn’t, go back and watch it, it’s important…

Black women are ugly, dumb and only good for sex.  White women are beautiful, smart, and suitable mates.  The closer you are to either end determines what you are.  Those are the rules.  I wouldn’t be surprised to hear this from Whites, not because I think they are racist, but because historically, groups always find ways to make other groups accept their dominance.  But from Blacks?

Enslaved mindstate.

Take another look.  It’s not race-ism.  It’s shade-ism.  It’s the most widespread form of black-on-black crime.

This is not a Black thing. Oh, no.  A lot of people understand.  I have lived in Saudi Arabia, and Oman, and have spent significant time in…

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So far this project has been less successful than I’ve hoped. In fact, since I’ve started it, I’ve slowly become more depressed.

Now, I have a few theories as to why this is, but at this point it’s not really too important what those theories are. I need to take some time a reevaluate things. Life. The world.

Depression isn’t pretty, nor is it easy.

I have had abusive ex-boyfriends. They made me feel worthless, they made me believe that all I was good for was sex, and they would get physically aggressive. I’m hesitant to use the words ‘physically abusive’ because that’s not exactly what it was. Neither J nor N ever actually hit me.

(Hereby I decree for ease, to refer to J as Jack* and N as Neil*)

Jack would threaten, and he would punch walls and other objects when he was mad. He would get angry to the point that I could imagine it being me, but he never hit me.

Neil was grabby. He would grab my wrists and hold them so tightly that they hurt, and he would choke me. He claimed that it was for ‘my pleasure’ (erotic afixiation), but I didn’t like it and he seemed to enjoy it a little too much.

But neither hit me or left bruises or broke bones. And I see domestic violence as such a big deal that while I will call them abusive, and while I will say that they were physically aggressive, I will not say that I go around telling people that I am a victim of domestic violence or anything like that.

Because there are too many women who will claim to be physically abused for far less of what I experienced and tarnish men’s names because they’re trying to get back at them for a bad relationship.

I hate it when people (more commonly women) will claim to have been abused, or raped, or assaulted, as a way to get back at the man. Or because they regret their decisions or they want to put the blame on someone else.

It is women like that who make real victims afraid to report. Who make the justice system so suspicious of real reports. Who make it so real abusive man and rapists go free.

And it makes me sick. I never reported Neil or Jack because I know, that since I was dating them at the time, it will be largely ignored. That because it was even someone I know, that it will be ignored.

And it’s because of these people who will lie about it that these things go unpunished.

I have been busy. A little less than a week since my last update and I haven’t posted my ‘Thankful’s daily. I will, however, be adding them as one massive, weekly post to make it easier to keep track of everything. For me, at least.

I have been trying to remember my meds. I have missed a couple days, but not as many. I think I am going to have to get one of those daily pill boxes to remember.

I have had depressive days this week. I have officially decided to tell my brother (who inspired me to start this blog) about them; he has been supportive. I think a major reason why he understands is not just because of his own experiences, but because his ex-girlfriend has depression. It caused a lot of issues in their relationship, and they broke up, but are still friends.

So while he doesn’t have to deal with (clinical) depression or bipolar or anxiety, it’s nice to have someone that understands.

I have also given up refined sugars, which are supposed to be really bad for you. Not just for your general health (chances of getting diabetes and such), but also for your emotional health, according to Anti-DepressionFoods.com

I am hoping that this helps. I’ll admit, it’s hard, since I’m a bit of a sugar addict, and my body is so far hating me for it, but I have seen an increase in my moods. I am not going to give them up entirely forever, but until my brother’s wedding (Feb. 20th) I am not going to have any. It’s also partially to lose weight for his wedding (which is in Hawaii).

So far, my list of changes are:

  • Taking St. John’s Wort and Fish Oil daily for their anti-depressive effects.
  • Eliminating processed sugars from my diet.
  • Daily/Weekly ‘I Am Thankful for…’/’I am…’/’Tomorrow I will…’ statements.

I am also going to start exercising daily from here on. At least 20 minutes every morning. That is my next goal for this. 🙂

Edit: Oh! I forgot! I also gave myself a haircut! I now have bangs! Amazing what trimming some hair can do for your self-esteem. 🙂

Alright, so this experiment is going to be similar to the Happiness Project in a lot of ways. If you don’t know what the Happiness Project is, it is an experiment on how to be happy by Gretchen Rubin.

There is one major difference, however. Gretchen didn’t start her project as a way to cure depression or any mood disorders. She just wanted to be a happier person.

Unfortunately, there is a difference. I will examine many of the same techniques she did, but they were designed to make the average person happier. Most of these will not necessarily make someone with depression or bipolar disorder happier because these are psychological disorders. Many times, there are even chemical reasons.

They can’t be fixed by little notes on your mirror. Those can help, but they don’t fix it.I’m looking to treat it as effectively as medication would, if not more so.

So the methods I’ll be using include vitamins, exercise, diet and meditation, as well as various philosophies not only from self-help books, but even from fiction. Yup, I’m gonna see if the idea that going on an epic adventure to get a magical item will help me be less depressed. Maybe I’ll even save a town in the process. Hey, It could happen.

I am starting by altering my diet, adding both St. John’s Wort and Fish Oil vitamins. I am avoiding processed sugars where possible (natural raw sugar instead) and generally eating healthier.

Since starting, so far, I have been better, but I am still sensitive. I am still not entirely willing to talk about why certain things are upsetting me with anyone, really.

Without Fear by Jennifer Ellison

No, not “Why the Depression Adventurer is for you!”, but more “Why did you pick that name?”

To be honest, it’s part nerdy and part philosophy, and that’s a lot of what you’ll get from this blog. I’m a huge nerd and I’m also big on philosophy, so… Let me explain.

Philosophy:

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely player
William Shakespeare, As you Like it

and

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep out faces towards change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.
Helen Keller, Let Us Have Faith

These two quotes kind of cover it all. Life is an adventure. Even the little things are important. When you think about how boring your life may be, keep in mind that you could always equate it to an adventure.

That term paper that needs to be turned it? An adventure. A personal challenge that you have to face to grow. Even giving your cat a bath is a big adventure. Especially if they aren’t de-clawed.

Nerdy-ism

It totally makes life more awesome to imagine that your favorite shirt isn’t just a nice shirt, but a  +5 shirt of awesome-ness. I play Dungeons and Dragons, RPG video games and I read more than my fair share of fantasy and sci-fi. The term for the protagonist is not always ‘hero’, but it is almost always ‘adventurer’.

This is because while some people may not like you, while some people may even hate you because of the ‘side’ your on, it’s still life. The heroes in these books aren’t always loved wherever they go, they sometimes cause destruction or mayhem, but they’re still always called an adventurer.

So this experiment is also an adventure.

Adventures in Depression by the Depression Adventurer. It amuses me. 🙂